Ep 13: Process-ization, Solo Expeditions, Betting, and Sunday Regret Syndrome

I am about 3ish months too late to release this

Sep 29, 2024

Edit: This post is a bit outdated. It was supposed to be released in mid-June earlier this year, but for some weird reasons, I decided to publish it a bit later. That “later” didn’t actually come anytime soon. July was a hell of a month at work. Aug was Farewell + vacay, so quite an emotionally overwhelming month. I came back from Bali after almost a month-long trip in the first week of Sept. Since then, I have been unpacking most things - the Scaler gig (of a lifetime), the trip, how the future looks like from here, blah blah.

A dear friend, with his wide smile and innocence, very recently taunted saying - “where tf is your substack, the readers are quite eagerly waiting”. Yeah, like I said - he IS a dear friend!

Ngl, I feel quite pretentious sometimes when I write this. I think I’ve either said this to someone or written/hinted at this in one of my previous bits. Probably that was an underlying reason why I didn’t ship it.

Another friend recently wrote something quite interesting on why everyone should write more. That made a bit of sense as to why I am semi-addicted to this. My memory, I’ve realized, is quite sharp for remembering BS things. So, a lot of fun+important experiences slip by ig. Luckily, some of it is usually captured on a non-public notes tool. Also, I mean, in the world of cheap dopamine hits, it’s fun to relive some of those experiences when I write this.

So, back to the episode now…

Caveat - Read this as if you’re in mid-June 2024. The next few editions will have more juice from the last 3 months.

Welcome to the 13th Episode of Stuff You Should Experience. This has probably been on the edit table for the longest time.

A lot has happened in the last 6 months. The most prominent category of events was the never-ending work breakups. My team has seen a departure of more than 50% of the folks - LWDs ranging between April and July. Almost every month someone left. The kindergarten of real business education, as it was promised, is slowly coming to an end. A bit more on this in “Betting”.

Processization

I think the first thought popped up in March when my IndiGo flight was delayed (i’m sure this doesn’t surprise you) and I was sitting in a chair at an almost barren restaurant, staring at the FIDS. That’s when I thought about processization.

As the name suggests, processization transforms something into a sequential, often extremely predictable flow of events. After about a certain time, I think the ratio of “process” to “novel” events started to tilt in favor of process. Sure, work-life is pro-process and even rewards how efficient you’re in that process. Most jobs are a summation of to-do’s. I guess I am okay with being process-driven at work.

But I often think about how some things, in my personal life, that excited me, have, in some sense or another, become more process and less, I suppose, novel and serendipitous. The pendulum of banality and excitement is a horror tool. I guess everything eventually becomes a process—first dates, saying hi to someone at a networking event, travel (leisure or otherwise), meeting some/same friends, most parts of the day, you name it. How’s this for a thought experiment? Think of a few things that were absolutely joyful but aren’t so anymore. (sorry to ruin your day) I am almost certain it’s the process that has killed the fun.

An interesting example is air travel: I remember my first flight experience about 14 years ago. It was an IndiGo flight from Nagpur to Mumbai. The aircraft had just started moving. I was in the aisle seat, and my brother whispered in my ear, “Wait for the full throttle!” The novelty of it definitely made it an experience worth remembering. In this excitement, the mundane process of checking in the luggage, walking a certain distance, reaching the airport x hours before—all of it was forgotten. Cut to now, the process is boring AF. I don’t look forward to air travel at all. In fact, this boring process makes me a big proponent of private jets (manifesting it haha). So much of life is wasted in the pre-post process.

Access to things and feelings increased as I grew up; perhaps this changed me. Perhaps there used to be joy just because of the knowledge of the scarcity of an event. Knowing that this might happen only a few times a month or year intrinsically increased the excitement and value of it. For eg, access to “good” cinema/music earlier was quite limited. It was limited to a few aha experiences a year. The threshold for excitement has increased. I hope I don’t fall into the ever-enticing world of drugs. Luckily, I think I have kind of figured out better ways to find islands of excitement in the sea of banality.

I’ve started to observe people at airports. It’s become my favorite pastime to kill boredom at airports. It’s amusing to witness the impatience of adults and kids at the baggage drop, in the lounge, and generally around. The way kids operate, with an absolute disregard for social conduct, is a sight to watch sometimes. V rarely do I not see Indian parents trying to shame them into discipline. Kids embody “fuck around, find out,” which is the best way, in my opinion, to experience and explore the world.

On a side note, there’s a fucked-up trolley bag I almost always carry for sentimental reasons. I’ve been using it for the longest time. The only joy is looking at the torn check-in stickers on it and seeing them pile up. I don’t know what joy it gives me, but the fact is, it does.

Solo Expeditions

Some of you are privy to my recent (Feb 2024 is not that recent but you’re in June 2024, remember?) Pondi experience. It marked the resumption of my solo travels after about 3 years. As I said earlier, even travel after a point becomes more process and less novel. You’ve already checked the places on the web, got the dopamine hit, and planned everything down to the T. You become a mere executioner of the plan. Bleh! Fuck no! I decided not to plan anything apart from the meditation session at Auroville and my hostel stays for the obvious reason that it needs to be pre-booked.

I land on a Friday morning, drop my stuff at the reception, fire up my laptop, and ask the classic problem-solving question myself - “What am I solving for?” and emerge a multi-pronged answer - thinking time, new adventure, reading, cuisine, etc. What followed was one of the most intentional yet serendipitous days. I bumped into the right kind of folks at seemingly the right time.

It was my first experience taking a “thinking break” during a travel. I spent about 8 hours straight at a cafe with a decent amount of coffee, eggs, and bacon in me - purely thinking things through. This wasn’t the usual overthinking me. This was a methodical project for me trying to answer a few straight questions like what have been my dominant feelings in the past year? what have been my behavioral traits? what decisions did I make? etc. Going in I thought it would take not more than a few hours to distill this. But boy was I wrong. The fractal of questions emerged from these level 1 questions! I am still answering some of them to this date. It was the best thing I did during the week. Kind of a weird exercise for me trying to be microscopic about events in the past. Quite uncomfortable yet interesting. My typing speed must’ve peaked while answering some of those questions for sure. The process made me quite restless. I was pacing through the aisle where I sat. Luckily, it was only me in that area of the restaurant for the longest time. The aftertaste of it all was quite soothing. I felt closer to myself.

I was reading The Art of Travel at the time. It’s a collection of essays describing how great artists such as Baudelaire, Wordsworth, Van Gogh, etc approached travel. Alain de Botton peppers is with his experience of traveling to the same/similar places. It was a moment of validation for me when he talked about engineering serendipity in travel and addressed the exact problem I was in with a similar-ish solution. My confidence for future solo travels stood reignited and the “how” of it had a new answer. For my upcoming trip (already back from it btw), I’ve blocked a few chunks of days for a specific city/event. Rest, I shall fuck around and find out! More on this in late Aug/Sept later this year, hopefully.

Below is a byproduct (among many others) of process + serendipity from my Pondi trip!

Betting

If my last decade were a sample set, I'd say I've consciously taken life-altering risks at least seven times. These pivotal moments occurred in 2015, 2016, 2017, 2019, 2021, 2022, and 2024 (one in the kitty for this year, some of you know it). Each year, I rolled the dice to some extent, chasing that adrenaline rush. If there’s one thing I am semi-proud of myself it’d be building the stomach to take risks and live with its consequences. Fortunately or unfortunately, my first big risk in 2015 broke me. It paid big as the decade unfolded.

One of the fun parts about risks paying off is its second, third-order effects. The big bet in 2015 paved the way for a big-ish bet in 2022 - and boy has that paid off! I had the opportunity to work with one of the most fun and smart folks. I don’t think I’ve ever been a part of a “thicker” group of people at work/non-social context. A lot of my current and future actions can easily be attributed to my exposure over the last two years. As my ex-boss said about one of his previous gigs “more than a job, less than a life”. I can say ditto.

Listening to what excites me has been a reliable indicator of where my body wants to put up a fight. I've learned that cortisol drives me. I don’t particularly like this fact, given the long-term health consequences. Plus, I don't necessarily want to spend most of my adult life in "fight" mode. The issue is, I'm starting to enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong about myself; perhaps in a few more years, I'll be able to self-diagnose more accurately.

There's a reason I don't play poker frequently (yet), despite loving the thrill of the game. Of the books I read this year, The Gambler became one of my favorites almost instantly. It resonated with me because of the high-stakes decisions and bold moves Kerkorian made.

Post 2021, I feel I’ve gotten soft as if I have anything “real” to lose. I am changing it this year. Rest of the 2024 and the entirety of 2025 shall be the age of experimental risks - small to big! This new phase shall bring me back to my college exploration era but with a tad bit wiser me this time.

Sunday Regret Syndrome

I am still thinking about this. Quite half-baked what follows.

If you typically have a busy week, you only get to feel truly free around the weekends. Some might chase cheap thrills by working in unconventional ways, like writing essays midweek while blocking a meeting room to feel a sense of control over their surroundings.

I don’t dislike my work. In fact, I consider myself lucky to not hate it. Yet, every Sunday, I face the Sunday Regret Syndrome and wonder why.

One reason might be the shelved adventures—the quests sidelined by weekly routines. By Sunday, the weight of these unfulfilled desires grows heavier, marking another missed chance to pursue them.

Another factor is the struggle between the pre-frontal cortex and the limbic brain. I recall a college phase where I was free from all BS and in control. I want that now—saying no to distractions and setting clear boundaries. Back then, it gave me clarity and purpose. I find solace in small routines: morning meditation and workouts. They help, but Sunday Regret Syndrome still lingers.

Perhaps it’s a sign— to integrate those shelved adventures into my routine. To balance the pre-frontal cortex and limbic brain, not just during the weekend. I suppose I will have an answer by the end of this/next year.

What I’ve been listening/watching/reading:

Most of my recent consumptions have surrounded something-food.

Just yesterday a friend completed Season 1 of The Bear and I resumed Season 3. If you’re living under a rock and haven’t watched it, I’d highly recommend checking it out. It’s by far the best piece of TV show I’ve experienced, esp S02E06! :’)

I’ve been a big fan of Anthony Bourdain for some time now. Especially after watching his documentary Roadrunner! I recently picked up reading Kitchen Confidential after his birth anniversary last month. I think he was one of the few raw and deep public personas. It’s a rare find. I kind of see some of his reflection in me too. Maybe that’s why I love him so much.

I am a few chapters down and I can’t help but admire the candidness and the vulnerability Anthony showcased in his writing. Sharing some of the evocative parts I’ve experienced so far!